Getting to Know This Girl

This photo makes me wish I could play the harmonica. Don't you just want to write a sad cowboy song about this child? Why is she so sad? Under that raincoat she's dressed as Woody from Toy Story, which is just who she wanted to be for Halloween. Is she sad because she's being asked to sit still and wait for her brother's preschool costume parade to begin? A parade she is not invited to march in. Your heart just breaks, doesn't it?

I was not the kind of girl that dreamed about wedding days, marriage and having kids. I knew I wanted all of that but I didn't fantasize about it. About the time my first baby was conceived I thought I'd better start imagining life as a mom and envisioned I would have a boy. And I did, which was a relief because I thought boys are more emotionally resilient and I could have more wiggle room to make all of the horrible parenting mistakes I was sure to make (have made) and I wouldn't completely destroy his heart. This isn't true, by the way. My son has an incredibly tender heart and I break it...often. When the second baby was on the way I assumed I'd have another boy. I admit that I was more worried than happy when I found out she was a girl. How do you raise a girl? I should know this, right? I have first-hand experience at being a girl. But my girl-being experience isn't something I look back on with a sense of accomplishment. I didn't (wouldn't) wear dresses or know how to do my hair. I wasn't charming or popular or graceful or athletic. I was awkward and chunky and embarrassed and asthmatic. How do I lead this little one through girldom when I was so lost there?

Luckily my fear has brought my desire to lead her to a screeching halt. And for now I'm just watching Addie unfold. She's tough, sweet, hilarious, snuggly, moody, and a terrible eater. She is just getting into princesses, dress up, and ballet; a provence of girldom I am unfamiliar with. But she can ride a tricycle like the wind and makes great laser gun and car crash noises, thanks to her brother. She surprises me. She is going to rock that Halloween parade next year. God, I pray she goes through girldom knowing she is yours.