The New Home

Here we are 6 months into our new house.  Sweet friends have stopped asking if we "feel settled," so it must be assumed that we are....or should be.  I often answered that question with an enthusiastic, "Yes, we love it!"  But the truth is we're still getting there.  Surprisingly, I was in a serious funk in the months following the move.  I felt lonely for our old neighbors, or lack of new neighbors as 2 of the 3 houses around us sit empty.  I missed our old hangouts and routines.  Every time a train went by I wondered if we had made a mistake buying this house.  After months & MONTHS of non-stop house projects, I was unsure of what to do with myself in this new space.  It doesn't NEED much work at this point (we can't afford to do much anyway,) but it still seems like someone else's and I don't have a peace here.  After the first month I decided repainting needed to wait so we might as well start hanging stuff on the walls.  That helped.

Summer was especially hot, like so hot parks were out of the question and the punishment of the volcanic car almost made a trip to the pool unwanted.  The kids were not getting along.at.all.  At one point Daniel said he missed the old (bigger) yard and I realized we needed to change the way we play.  We went from grass & gravel to dirt & blacktop so it was time to break out the bikes, scooters, chalk and find a basketball hoop on craigslist.  We spent a ridonkulous amount of money on soil prep and grass seed, and thanks to Steve's hard work, we have grass.  Aside from a rather dangerous 2 weeks in October when we feared serious head injuries from falling walnuts, we've had some pretty good times in our new yard.  Steve's wheels are now turning on a playhouse/swing set.

The really bright spot has been the new school.  The kids love it and have made fast friends.  Addie's class is so small, ALL of the kids (and moms!) have become friends.  I'm proud of Daniel for the buddies he has chosen. We have great confidence in the teachers and administrators.  The school and PTO appear to work as a well-oiled machine.  The other parents have been over-the-top welcoming.  We love that half of the kids from House Group are at the same school.  "Church friends" are becoming "best friends."  All affirming that this was the right move for our family.

In the past weeks, the funk has morphed into pent-up creative energy, which I can divert into non-house projects, so it's manageable.  We've met more neighbors and kids on our street thanks to my chatty husband and more-outgoing-than-I kiddos.  We've had school friends over to play and new family friends over for dinner.  I don't notice the trains so much and Nate thinks they're awesome.  School conferences went well, confirming from the teachers' perspectives that our kids are happy here.  Steve is a little fidgety (for lack of funds) for the next big project, but our garage is incredibly organized in the meantime.

We have a garage.  And a bunch of other great things in this house to be grateful for.  Slowly, gratitude is drowning out my second-guessing.

Goodbye, House

Tomorrow morning we sign this old house over to a cute and excited young couple.  Nine years ago we were that excited young couple.  We bought it from a guy who liked cats, cycling and murals.  (I'm very irritated that I can't find the picture of the mural that was in the kids' room.  Wolves and mountains and a sunset and a Christ figure and blood and a kid in a cowboy hat!  I REALLY need to find that picture.)  Naive us thought some sanding and painting was all this house needed.

Well....

We have painted EVERY paintable surface in this house, most more than once.  New roof, windows, electric, plumbing, bathroom, shed, landscaping, steps, sewer line, floors, countertops....I'm sure there's more.  One tree fell on it (shortly after we replaced the roof, of course) and we paid THOUSANDS of dollars to cut down 4 trees that died.  Steve has dubbed this place "The $6,000 House" because that is how much we have paid annually on projects and repairs.

Here are a few before and afters:

As frustrating as this house has been, it has also been a great blessing.  All of our children were born while we lived here.  It makes me a little sad that Nathan won't remember it.  We learned priceless lessons about marriage from this house, like: we don't work well together and that means we have to trust the other person to do a good job without our input, but don't pick colors without my input.  Steve taught himself how to do all kinds of handyman things on this house.  He also learned some things are not at all worth doing himself.  I grew a great garden here.  After all of those trees died the yard had enough sun for some lovely flower beds.  And we LOVE our neighbors and are so sad to leave them.

Old house, you have been a labor of love and have to.  We will miss you.  Be nice to the new people.  

Lessons from Selling a House

We realize we are really lucky to have "sold" our house in less than a week.  So it's silly to complain about keeping the house clean when we only had to make it look like no one actually lives in our house about 6 times.  But, honestly, even that was difficult.  Partly because professionals in this business do not know how to tell time.  They just show up when they feel like it and walk in the door, even if they have an actual appointment an hour and a half later than the time they showed up.  The other factor is the kids...well, the one kid in particular.  I think if I had even 7 kids over the age of 4 it would have been pretty manageable.  It's the little one that makes it so hard.  He appears to exist to destroy and ruin, especially whatever task I just completed.

Here are some other lessons we've learned:
1.  The weeks of painting and cleaning and repairing leading up to putting the house on the market left us physically and emotionally drained....perfect conditions for grouchy parents and inconsiderate spouses.  This only got worse as we actually got the house on the market and started house hunting ourselves.  Really crappy time for our family.
2.  The one thing that made our old house look really clean and fresh was washing the windows inside and out.  Keeping them clean with a dog and toddler in house was futile.  On the days we had showings, I'd load everyone in the car and make one last run through the house to clean smudgy windows.
3. The whole anonymous negotiation process through realtors seems funny to me.  Same as the conspicuous drive-bys by the buyers who are trying so hard to be inconspicuous.  Just pull over and talk to us, for goodness sake.
4. Do not cling tightly to anything, including the lovely stainless steel fridge with a bottom freezer drawer and ice maker that your husband bought you for your birthday.  It will likely be sacrificed to the sale.  And the one left with the house you buy will have an uncanny resemblance to the ug-o fridge you cursed all those years before you were given the lovely stainless steel one.
5.  Do not get too excited about getting a contract for your asking price...before your appraisal.  Appraisals are tricky business in a slow real estate market.  There weren't many houses to compare ours to.  Unfortunately, our appraisal came in $5,000 less than our asking price.  This actually wasn't too hard to swallow.  We were pretty shocked to get our asking price.
6.  Pray for the family buying the house.  It makes it seem like we're all on the same side, working toward the same end goal.  This has made us more willing to take care of repairs and maintenance because we desire their happiness in our old house.  Right now we are praying for their finances as that's pretty much the last step in this process.  For some reason I've found it more difficult to pray for the family whose house we are trying to buy.  Maybe because they've already kicked us out of our contract once.
7.  No matter how many times people congratulate us, we will not feel confident that our house is sold until we sign the papers at closing.  Things happen.

Lessons from House Hunting

1.  We don't want what we thought we wanted, or in the place we wanted it.
2.  Getting burned out on house projects to get our house on the market completely tainted our view of fixer-uppers.  We just don't have it in us.  And I think this is really God protecting our marriage and finances.
3.  An ongoing feeling of disconnect in our current community, school and church in various ways made us realize we want our next house, school and community to come complete with friends we know and love.  Lots of them.  We've been longing for this, but didn't realize how much until we started our house hunt.  And I think this is God leading us to Webster Groves.
4.  People have very different ideas of how much space they "need" for their family.
5.  Don't even try to make sense out of what people think their houses are worth.
6.  You can "polish a terd," as Steve likes to say.  We've seen it.  More than once.
7.  Taking some or all of our children along to tour houses helped me visualize how our family could operate in the space.  Touring more than 2 houses on any given day was a recipe for disaster.
8.  If we put an offer on a house, another better house will come on the market the next day and make me question everything.  For instance, what looks like the most perfect house just came on the market in Richmond Heights today....

Letter to The Future Owners

Our realtor asked us to write a letter to the hypothetical future owners of our house as a marketing tool.  Great idea.  Hope it works.  I thought writing this would make me really sad to leave our house, but it made me feel grateful for the time we had here, and ready to move on.  I'm sure I'll feel nostalgic for this place as we (hopefully) get closer to saying goodbye.  But for now...

To the new owners,

Your house was built in 1893 and is one of the original homes in the area.  It makes an impression up on the hill with its large front porch and many windows.  It has held on to some of its original charm, but has a lot of updates that make it comfortable; a new roof in 2005, replacement windows in 2007, main floor laundry (a rare find in the city), updated kitchen with new appliances and a recently remodeled master bath, among other improvements.  This house has been a labor of love for our family and we take pride in the work we have done here.  As much as we love this house and are sad to have outgrown it, we are certainly going to miss our neighborhood more.

When the weather is warm, go out on the front porch.  You'll meet all of your fantastic neighbors in no time.  Many of the guys are glad to help with a project or lend some tools.  Most neighbors are dog owners and are happy to dog sit if you return the favor.  During the spring and fall, they take turns hosting laid back gatherings around the fire pit.  In the summer, there is often an invitation to share some BBQ.  You'll find lots of friendly families and even a few surrogate grandparents on Odell.

******Then a whole bunch of stuff about convenient location, schools and other stuff that would pinpoint our exact location on Earth (not for the blogosphere)******

I'm sure you'll find your favorite things about your new home, but here are a few of ours.  The front porch is like an extra living room in warmer months.  Friends can sit all the way around the edge of the porch so there is always enough seating.  You can throw in a load of laundry while keeping an eye on dinner.  There is a heat feature in the exhaust fan in the master bath so it's nice and toasty when you step out of the shower on cold winter mornings.  The den has a working fireplace, perfect for curling up next to with a good book (at least as long as you don't have too many kids and have to turn the den into a nursery). You can see some beautiful sunsets from the kitchen window year round.  When the trees leaf out, the backyard is like a park.  It's quiet and private, with perennial gardens and space to play.  And on cloudy days, you can smell either coffee roasting (from Ronocco?) or beer brewing (from Bottleworks in Maplewood) depending on which way the wind blows. 

We hope you make some wonderful memories here, too.
Best wishes to you in your new home!

The CSA Box

Because my very good friend moved to San Francisco a few years ago and became a hippie (by St. Louis standards) and suggested I read books and watch movies about the origins of the food we eat, I signed up to purchase a half share in a CSA crop this year. Each week, I pick up a small box full of sustainably grown veggies harvested from a farm about 45 minutes from our home. And each week the farmers are kind enough to send a newsletter explaining the contents of our box, which is great because half the time I have no idea what I'm looking at. Have you ever heard of garlic scapes? And since many of these veggies are new to our household, I'm spending a lot of time searching for new recipes. Sometimes this leads to pleasant surprises, like roasted beets. Yum. And sometimes it leads to a severe dislike of grilled yellow zucchini. Using everything before it spoils has been a challenge and when pickling cucumbers showed up in last week's box I felt like I was given extra homework.

Here's hoping the produce becomes a little more familiar as summer wears on...

Nesting

Today I spent close to 3 hours cleaning what will be the baby's room. It was full-on I can't possibly let my baby be born into a world with baseboards as filthy as this! nesting. While I was wiping off each tiny slat on the cold air return, I wondered why women do this. Is this a hormonal drive that dates back to creation, to help signal to Eve that her baby was coming soon so she better start gathering soft grass and making a few fig leaf diapers? And why is the modern manifestation of this drive a desire to clean things that our babies will not even touch until they are probably 6 months old, at which time we won't really care if they get a little dust on their hands and more dog hair in their mouths? What a waste of energy. And the crazy thing is that once I left the baby's room and looked at the rest of my filthy and cluttered house I didn't care.

The Bathroom Brag Book

Our old bathroom. Bone colored toilet, bath and tile. Stained wallpaper. Peeling vinyl floor. Skinniest closet known to man. And FREEZING in the winter. Sometimes so cold the pipes would freeze.

The old shower. About a month after we moved in, Steve leaned on the soap dish and it fell off revealing a nicely rotted wall behind the tile. He installed this surround as a quick fix until we were ready to remodel. You can't see it in the photo but there is a VERY LOW, popcorn coated ceiling over the shower. Every time I cleaned the shower I accidentally knocked a little dusting of popcorn into the tub. And watched the ceiling absorb water. Yuck.

Did I mention we had 2 bids from contractors to remodel our bathroom for us? They both came back with a total of around $15,000. Ouch. And impossible. So, four months ago, Steve started demolition. When he tore out the ceiling, we were surprised to find a whole lotta space up there.

Plumbing needed to be relocated to an inside wall to avoid freezing.

I am pretty good at visualizing, but it was hard to see a pretty bathroom coming out of this. Even after picking out tile, fixtures and paint colors, I was getting nervous about how it would all come together. We got help with the plumbing, but Steve did everything else. Insulation, wiring, drywall, tiling...and it was his first attempt at most of it. He did an amazing job. As an added luxury he installed a fan that is also a heater. No more frigid winter mornings in this bathroom.

Ta-da! The high ceiling (which is so high I couldn't fit it in the frame) and the narrow toilet tank make the bathroom seem loads bigger. The pedestal sink is larger than our old vanity. You can actually set things on the edge of the sink now. I love the way everything turned out.

Steve replaced the world's skinniest closet with some much more functional shelves.

I'm cherishing this photo. Our new, perfect bathroom. Before all of the bath toys, Spiderman toothbrushes, and Elmo bubble bath bottles take over...

Thank you, my brave husband. You are super talented and hard-working. Thank you for giving up all of your free time and most of your sleep for this.

Bunk Beds

Yesterday we went to Target so the kids could pick out bedding for their new bunk beds. I had to fight the urge to direct their choices. They had some super cute fish sheets and quilts for both boys and girls and the designer in me wanted the kids to have coordinated bedding. But the wiser voice in my head that is not my own told me to let it go. So Addie chose purple flowers and Daniel chose racing motorcycle/skateboard/train/car bedding that reminded me a little of Skidz...


They were both so excited to sleep in their new beds with their new sheets that they didn't want to read books. But once in bed they spent 2 hours talking, giggling, and climbing out of bed for much "needed" drinks of water. I guess every night will be a slumber party for awhile.

Parks & Rec

One of the wonderful parts of city living is all of the parks. There are 4 parks within walking distance when I'm not pregnant and it's not freezing or boiling outside, otherwise there are only 2 to which I'll willingly shove a double stroller full of 2 large-for-their-age children.

Our favorite park is Lindenwood. The kids call it "The Rocks Playground" as it is one of the few parks we frequent that still has a pea gravel floor instead of recycled tire mats. It has huge shade trees, many different jungle gyms for kids of all ages and the kids can dig in the rocks. It's rarely crowded, the moms are always friendly and Daniel makes a new buddy every time we go. Wherever we move to next year, we'll still make a point to come back to Lindenwood.

Clifton Park is the closest and is in the most idyllic setting; nestled among big old houses, next to a huge pond with fountains and nice gardens. When we first moved in, the pond was stocked with fish and the playground was well kept. But since then, a parks employee who was trying to treat an algae bloom mistakenly poured pesticide rather than herbicide into the pond, killing all of the fish. And because of its secluded location, teens and degenerate adults choose Clifton Playground to engage in multiple unsavory activities and often leave the evidence behind on the ground. When Daniel began asking what the graffiti on the slides said I had my reservations about Clifton Park. The second time I found a used condom on the playground I decided this park was now off-limits for our family.

But the granddaddy of all parks in St. Louis is only 6 minutes (by car) from our door. Forest Park is amazing for so many reasons. The free zoo and museums, the waterfalls, the fountains, the bike paths, and our most recent favorite; the river rock beach. When the park redirected the canals and waterways several years ago, they added a small beach made of those smooth, rounded gray river rocks. From what I recall, these rocks cost a fortune at garden centers. And I have to confess that my children have likely thrown hundreds, if not thousands of dollars worth of river rocks into the canal in Forest Park. Sorry, city tax payers. There is something very satisfying about throwing rocks into water. They can do it for hours.

Meal Exchange

I struggle with dinner. Half of the time Steve is not home for dinner and making a real meal that my kids will most likely not eat is a huge waste of time (and food) at this point in our lives. I am only slightly ashamed to say I eat cereal and serve PBJ or grilled cheese to the kids at least twice a week. I really enjoy cooking, but I probably only have the opportunity to cook something fun for dinner once a week. Please read "opportunity" as: my husband is home and can entertain the kids while I work in the kitchen. And read "fun" as: a new recipe or a loved recipe that has more than 4 ingredients and 3 steps.

About a year ago, my friend Erin recommended that we start a meal exchange. Once a month I make enough of one recipe to feed 5 families (including my own), package the recipe for each family, include heating instructions and freeze it. A few days later, us girls get together, eat snacks, play cards, and exchange our meals. We each go home with 4 frozen meals that we didn't have to lift a finger to prepare. These are the meals I rely on for nights like tonight. Steve is home but hanging drywall in our bathroom so I am juggling kids and dinner prep. Adriane's Sweet N' Sour Chicken is in the oven, rice is in the rice cooker and I am blogging and helping Daniel with handwriting homework. Lovely. And since each meal serves 4, and my kids will eat all of 2 bites, there will be leftovers for tomorrow night as well. Even better.

Vegetable Garden 2010

This year I am scaling back and making the vegetable garden more of an herb garden for 3 reasons:
1.) While learning how to cook these last few years I've found that it really is true that fresh herbs taste a bazillion times better than the dried variety.
2.) I am going to be gigantically pregnant in July and the idea of weeding and harvesting vegetables in the hottest part of summer sounds torturous.
3.) I signed up to be part of a CSA and will be getting locally grown produce from Yellow Wood Farms. Having a vegetable garden seems redundant.

So I spent a little time this afternoon thinking herbs and which kinds I would like to add to my garden. Basil is a must for insalata caprese and fresh pesto. Chives can go in everything. Oregano and flat leaf parsley would be nice this year. And I must not forget cilantro. I realize cilantro is a little controversial. You either love it or hate it. I fall in the "love it" camp because cilantro is a must for so many staple dishes in our kitchen; guacamole, pico de gallo, BBQ chicken pizza, and all things Mexican.

I'm hungry. And pining for spring.

Tiny Trees

Daniel had school this morning so Addie and I went to Hobby Lobby to return a picture frame and buy some wrapping paper. The wrapping paper selection was awesome and half off! And that's the problem with Hobby Lobby. On any given week half of the store is 50% off. It's so hard to say no to 50% off. Today was no exception. They had tiny trees, lights and ornaments all on sale. Years ago, the home of a family I know whose decorating sense I covet was featured in a magazine. It showed their house all decked out for Christmas and everything about it was magical. One detail I especially loved was that they put tiny trees in their girls' rooms and let the girls decorate the trees themselves. They were so sweet and hopeful. So after we picked Daniel up we started decorating. The kids loved it and can't wait to set them up in their rooms tonight. And the best part is the rainy day activity potential for these trees. Think of all the paper chains and ornaments we can make...

I love how they pile everything in one spot. Daniel decorated his with cars. Addie with ballerinas; her new passion. Video of Ballerina Addie coming soon...

Lessons Learned from the Garden

This photo was taken mid-season. Don't ask me why Daniel has only one sock. Our garden wasn't a huge success, but I learned a lot I can apply to next year's garden.

The tomatoes were plentiful, but a source of major frustration. Squirrels and opossums helped themselves to many; so many that I pondered getting a cat, but Steve reminded me that I would have to pet it and care for it at least a little, so no cat. Eventually the tomatoes were abundant enough that the rodents decided to leave some for us. Enough for homemade tomato sauce which turned out kind of ho-hum. I did discover that adding a little baking soda to tomato sauce cuts the acidity.

The sunflowers Daniel & Addie planted grew to a whopping 9 feet! By far our greatest success.

The herbs did well, the peppers are slowly turning red, and the rest was a little disappointing. No watermelons. But we're starting round 2 with some broccoli, pumpkins and lettuce.

Next spring we'll move the garden to our new sunny spot in the back. I've come to terms with my new landscape...sort of. We bought a new tree and have a plan for large bushes and twining vines to cover the fence. Praying Miracle Gro will rain down from the heavens so everything fills in fast.

Mourning the Tree

One of the main reasons I wanted to buy our current house was because of the yard. It is big for a city lot, park-like and it had lots of large trees that made it shady and comfortable even in St. Louis summers. I planted shade-loving gardens beneath the trees and loved that the kids could play in the sand box and kiddie pool most of the day without fear of sunburn. About 2 years after we moved in 2 trees in our neighbor's yard died. I shuffled the shade-loving plants to other parts of the yard and enjoyed replanting a couple of beds with a variety of "full-sun" perennials.

The following summer a storm blew our cedar tree down (onto our roof.) We noted that Daniel's room felt warmer in the summer afternoons and I planted more "full-sun" perennials.

The following year a huge elm in our neighbor's front yard died. The city cut it down and now our living room and front porch get blasted with hot afternoon sun.

Then the heartbreaker. The HUGE black oak at the back corner of our yard started to show signs of disease. I prayed in earnest for this tree. I knew it's absence would completely transform our yard. And this spring it became clear that the tree wasn't winning the battle with the disease.


After 5 DAYS of cutting by a ridiculously inefficient tree care company the oak is gone. A man is coming tomorrow to grind out the stump. When the crew dropped the trunk into the yard it shook the ground. Neighbors came out of their houses to see what was going on.


Tonight our yard looks weary. A heavy coat of sawdust has choked out the grass. My last shade-loving garden is parched. And I'm just sad. I hate the new view of power lines and neighbors' fences and roofs. Our yard is no longer park-like and cool. Steve has already mentally moved on to tilling the yard and planting new things. I am usually a person with vision for what a space or a garden could be. But I'm not there yet. I'm still mourning the backyard I loved.

On The Menu

We started a vegetable garden this year. My first time growing anything but flowers and tomatoes. I thought it might entice the kids to eat a veggie or two if they helped in their creation. This is very wishful thinking. And just so it wouldn't be a total bust we planted watermelon seeds. Can you guess what is the only thing that doesn't seem to be growing in our garden?

I'm sure I went through this phase as a kid. I don't remember not liking vegetables, but I'm sure I wasn't always a fan of green beans. The only veggie Daniel will eat is corn, and I'm not even sure that counts. If you ask Addie what she wants to eat her answer is almost always "fruit snacks" which contain no fruit whatsoever...and really nothing else of any nutritional value.

The garden is growing and the kids are sincerely excited to see tiny green beans and tomatoes getting bigger everyday. Daniel asks every time, "But Mom, where are the watermelons?" The watermelons may be purchased on a late night trip to Schnucks in early August, and plopped suspiciously among the squash vines.